Herbalism

In their 30s, every woman must decide what type of witch they will be.

I don’t make the rules, I just notice the patterns. Some women are drawn to crystals and tarot, others collect candles or curse people with sailor like spells while being cut off in traffic. Some are coffee witches or meditate to “manifest” their future, but it’s all witch stuff. In my 30s, I’ve chosen to be one of those women who knows what herb to use to treat whatever ailment is bothering you.

It all started with a book. I saw the word “ashwaganda” and didn’t know what it was so I looked it up. After finding it was an herb, I looked at its benefits. After looking at its benefits, I bought some to ingest to make myself better, stronger, faster. I did this over and over again. Berbine pills. Elderberry Syrup. Dried Calendula for tea. Oregano oil. Growing my own mint. Garlic. Lavender infused local honey. Jars! Jars of things everywhere! What ails you?? I have something to fix that! Just let me check my shelf of mid-evil jars. Oh the labels? Thanks they are nice, aren’t they? I made them myself. Looks like I scratched its name in with a safety pin using my left hand but hey, as scary as they look, isn’t that the aesthetic I’m going for?

I have only poisoned myself once which I think is pretty good, all things considered. I’ve also never given any tonic or tincture to anyone else, mainly because no one has asked for one, but also because what works for me might not work for them. So it may not seem like that I’m too far into my new identity. However, it keeps growing. I’ve bought magazines and underground zines on alchemy. I now own several apothecary jars for my own tea blends. But I’m not writing this to brag about my knowledge or collection. I’m writing this because I fear one day I’ll be filling the jars with bat wings and mice bones. That’s way, way down the line. And I don’t want to get that far gone. So I’m holding myself accountable by setting a clear boundary, and it’s now in writing, so it’s semi official.

And so it is: if there comes a time where I start putting moss in my jars, throw the whole collection away. Moss is the gateway into crazy town. You hear that, Kelly? Do not eat moss.